The Weight of “More”: Finding Ease Through Wise Effort
We live in a culture that glorifies busy. Adding more to our plates feels productive, even necessary. But constantly accumulating commitments – the “pebbles” – can obscure what truly matters, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled. As a behavioral scientist, I’ve observed this pattern repeatedly. it’s not about doing less, but about doing things intentionally. This article explores how to identify the underlying drivers of this “more is better” mentality and cultivate a life of “Wise Effort” – one characterized by spaciousness,focus,and genuine satisfaction.
Why We Pile on the Pebbles
The urge to constantly add isn’t random. It’s often rooted in deeply ingrained psychological patterns. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward reclaiming your energy and attention.
1. The Stories We Tell Ourselves. We’re all narrators of our own lives, crafting stories about who we are and what we need to be happy. Frequently enough, these stories are unexamined and driven by external pressures.
Authors Elise Loehnen and courtney Smith highlight a crucial question: If you disregarded the narrative pushing you to do more, what are you truly afraid of losing? Is it control, the approval of others, or a sense of security? Recognizing these fears allows you to challenge the stories that no longer serve you.
2. The Allure of Avoidance. Psychologists specializing in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) call this “experiential avoidance.” We fill our schedules to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Think about it: do you check your phone during awkward silences? Do you dive into work to postpone facing a arduous emotion? This avoidance provides temporary relief, but ultimately creates a heavier burden. You end up dealing with the original task plus the distractions you created.
Rather, consider these questions:
* What feeling are you actively avoiding by taking on more?
* Are you willing to experience that discomfort to create more ease and space in your life?
3. the Hedonic Treadmill. We frequently enough believe achieving a specific goal - a promotion, a perfect vacation – will bring lasting happiness. However, neuroscience reveals a different reality.
Our brains have separate systems for wanting and liking. Repeated exposure to rewards can actually increase our desire while simultaneously decreasing our enjoyment. This leads to a relentless pursuit of the next “hit” – another like, another achievement – with diminishing returns. You’re left wanting more, but liking less.
Making Space with Wise Effort
Wise Effort isn’t about abandoning ambition. It’s about aligning your energy with what truly matters. It’s about intentionality, curiosity, and a willingness to feel.
It’s a practice of both addition and subtraction - strategically letting go of the pebbles to allow your most important “rocks” to breathe. Here’s how to begin:
Four Wisdom-Building Questions:
- What story is driving you to add more? Identify the underlying narrative fueling your busyness.
- What feeling are you avoiding by staying busy? Uncover the discomfort you’re attempting to escape.
- What are you gripping too tightly? Recognize the areas where your rigid expectations are creating stress.
- Where could you create a little more space today? Identify one small action you can take to simplify your life.
Cultivating a Life of Intention
Shifting from a mindset of “more” to one of “Wise Effort” requires ongoing practice.Start small.
* Schedule “un-scheduled” time. Protect blocks of time for reflection, rest, or simply being.
* Practice mindful awareness. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
* Prioritize values over validation. Focus on activities that align with your core values,rather than seeking external approval.
* Embrace imperfection. Release the need for everything to be perfect and allow yourself to experience life fully, flaws and all.
Ultimately,creating a life of ease isn’t about eliminating challenges. It’s about facing them with clarity, intention, and a deep understanding of your own motivations. by questioning the stories you tell yourself
