Navigating Trust & Expectations: When Help Goes Wrong & Supporting Your Daughter’s Path
It’s unsettling when someone you trust lets you down, especially when it impacts your home and beloved pets. And watching your child question their future can be equally distressing. Let’s address both scenarios with practical advice, drawing on years of experience helping people navigate these delicate situations.
The Disappointing House Sitter: Recouping & Re-evaluating Trust
You entrusted a friend with a significant duty – the care of your home and, more importantly, your cats.Discovering neglect upon your return is understandably upsetting.Here’s how to address this, protecting both your interests and your relationship (as much as possible):
* Don’t Pay (If You Haven’t Already): This was a service agreement, and the agreed-upon care wasn’t provided. You’re justified in withholding payment.
* Direct, Calm Communication is Key: Avoid accusations. Instead, clearly state your observations. For example: “I was shocked to return and find the cats’ water bowls empty and the litter boxes overflowing.This created an unhealthy surroundings for them and resulted in messes throughout the house.”
* Focus on the Impact: Explain how their inaction affected you and your pets.”Because of this, I wouldn’t have paid someone to simply be there, I needed someone to actively care for my cats.”
* Set Boundaries for the Future: This experience highlights the importance of clear expectations. If you consider using this friend again, outline specific duties in writng beforehand.
* Consider Alternatives: For future trips, explore professional pet-sitting services or boarding facilities. while perhaps more expensive,they offer a level of accountability and expertise.
Significant Note: While it’s tempting to vent,maintain a respectful tone. You may need this person in your life for other reasons, and a calm approach is more likely to lead to understanding (or at least, a civil resolution).
Supporting Your Daughter’s Journey: Encouraging Self-Discovery without Interference
Watching your daughter question her educational path, potentially influenced by her boyfriend, is a common parental concern. You want to guide her without dictating her choices. Here’s a strategy that balances support and encouragement:
* Resist the Comparison: avoid framing the conversation as “He’s doing fine without a degree, why aren’t you?” Her path is hers to define.
* Focus on Her Dreams: Instead of questioning her desire to leave college, ask open-ended questions: “What are you hoping to achieve by taking a break?” “What truly excites you?” “What are some things you’ve always wanted to explore?”
* Encourage Proactive Planning: A “plan” doesn’t necessarily mean a four-year degree. It means having goals and a roadmap to achieve them. Help her brainstorm possibilities.
* Explore Career Options: Suggest she meet with a college career counselor. They can discuss potential career paths related to her interests and the educational requirements for each.
* Internships are Invaluable: An internship provides real-world experience and helps her test-drive potential careers. it’s a low-risk way to gain clarity.
* Support Her Exploration (Within Reason): A gap year can be beneficial if it’s used productively.Encourage her to use the time for self-discovery, travel, volunteering, or skill-building.
* Lead by example: Demonstrate the importance of lifelong learning and pursuing passions, irrespective of formal education.
A Word of Caution: avoid directly criticizing her boyfriend.this will likely push her away and make her defensive. Focus solely on helping her clarify her own goals and aspirations.
Ultimately, both situations require empathy, clear communication, and a willingness to set healthy boundaries.Remember, you can offer guidance and support, but ultimately, individuals are responsible for their own choices.
Harriette cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative dedicated to empowering individuals to achieve their aspirations.Reach out with your questions at askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., kansas City, MO
