The Advice I Hope You’ll Never Need: Navigating Life After a School Shooting

If you’re reading this, there’s a chance you’ve survived, witnessed, or somehow experienced a school shooting—a reality that has become far too familiar for young Americans. As someone who has lived through two such tragedies, first at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, when I was 12, and later at Brown University in December 2025, I understand the profound and lasting impact these events can have. What began as a personal coping mechanism has evolved into a shared conversation with others who carry similar burdens, offering comfort and practical guidance for those navigating the complex aftermath of such trauma.

The advice that follows is not meant to provide easy answers or erase the pain of what you’ve endured. Instead, it reflects the hard-won wisdom of survivors who have learned to live with the physical and emotional scars of gun violence while fighting for a future where such horrors become obsolete. As we approach the eight-year anniversary of Parkland—a milestone that should mark progress rather than repetition—this conversation remains as urgent as ever. The goal is simple: to help you feel less alone in your journey toward healing.

This is not a how-to guide for survival. It is a testament to resilience.

Surviving Looks Different for Everyone

When I first began speaking publicly about my experiences, I was often met with the question: “Do you really qualify as a survivor?” This question reveals a fundamental misunderstanding about trauma. For some, survival means physical injury or being in the same room as a shooter. But trauma extends far beyond physical proximity. I was sitting outside the middle school adjacent to Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School when the shooting began. Though I wasn’t inside the building, I heard the gunshots, watched first responders rush to the scene, and—while still under lockdown—saw graphic videos of the shooting shared on social media. These visuals triggered the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition I continue to manage today.

The ripple effects of gun violence extend to entire communities. For me, being a survivor means having witnessed the event firsthand within my school community. Your definition may differ, and that’s okay. What matters is recognizing that trauma is not a competition—it’s a shared experience. If you relate to this in any way, you deserve support and understanding.

“Trauma is not a badge of honor. It’s a shared burden that doesn’t diminish with time.”

Trauma Returns in Odd Ways

Trauma doesn’t always present itself in dramatic flashbacks or violent reactions to triggers. Often, its manifestations are subtle and confusing. I experience hypervigilance when I hear fireworks, but my trauma also shows up in less obvious ways: I hyperfixate on news coverage of shootings, always sit with my back against walls in restaurants, and prefer to sleep facing my door. These behaviors might seem irrational to outsiders, but they’re coping mechanisms developed to regain a sense of control in an unpredictable world.

One of the most pervasive symptoms I’ve learned to live with is the constant mental preparation for hypothetical shootings. My brain runs through scenarios in any setting, planning responses that may never be needed. While I’ve learned to push these thoughts to the subconscious, acknowledging their existence is crucial. Trauma is not something to be ashamed of—it’s a normal response to an abnormal event. If you’re experiencing similar symptoms, professional treatment like therapy can provide tools to manage these responses.

Move Beyond “Why Me?”

Questions like “Why did this happen to me?” and “How did this happen twice?” have haunted me for years. These questions are natural, but dwelling on them can lead to nihilism and despair. The key is shifting focus from personal blame to systemic change. School shootings didn’t happen to me because of who I am, but because I grew up in America—a country where gun violence has become an epidemic.

This realization is painful, but it also offers hope. By channeling anger into advocacy, survivors can become agents of change. The resistance to gun violence begins with refusing to accept it as normal. As one survivor organization puts it: “We don’t need more thoughts and prayers. We need action.”

“The question isn’t ‘Why me?’ It’s ‘Why us?’—and what will we do about it?”

You Are Not Alone

Survival can feel isolating, especially when those around you haven’t experienced what you have. I once resented people who seemed to navigate life without the constant hypervigilance that had become my reality. Even within supportive communities like Parkland and Brown, I still felt alone. The turning point came when I connected with survivors from other communities—Michigan, Texas, and beyond—who shared my grief and trauma.

Today, I’m part of a tight-knit community of school-shooting survivors involved in advocacy work. For those who prefer other coping mechanisms, online support groups and social media have become vital resources. These connections remind us that while our experiences are unique, we’re not alone in carrying them.

Give Yourself Grace

Living with trauma means accepting that some days will be harder than others. The physical toll of hypervigilance—fatigue, poor academic performance, chronic pain—is often overlooked. Humans weren’t designed to endure this level of constant stress, so it’s unfair to expect immediate recovery. Instead of viewing healing as a linear process, it’s more productive to focus on self-compassion.

I’ve learned to celebrate compact victories—days when trauma feels manageable, moments of joy that break through the pain. Recovery isn’t about returning to a previous “normal.” It’s about creating a new reality where you can thrive despite your experiences. As one therapist specializing in trauma recovery notes: “Grace isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress.”

“Healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about learning to live with it.”

Key Takeaways for Survivors

• Survival is personal: Your experience is valid regardless of how others define it.
• Trauma manifests differently: Subtle symptoms are just as real as dramatic ones.
• Focus on systems, not personal blame: Gun violence is a societal issue, not an individual one.
• Connection is healing: Find your community—whether through advocacy or support groups.
• Recovery is nonlinear: Give yourself permission to have both solid and bad days.
• Advocacy is resistance: Your voice matters in the fight against gun violence.

While this advice may help you navigate your journey, it’s important to acknowledge the absurdity of needing such guidance in the first place. No child should have to read an article about coping with school shootings. Our society has failed when we must teach young people how to survive such horrors. The real solution lies in systemic change—stronger gun laws, better mental health resources, and a cultural shift that prioritizes children’s safety over gun culture.

As we move forward, let’s hold onto hope. The advice shared here may one day become obsolete—not because we’ve forgotten the trauma, but because we’ve made it unnecessary. Until then, know that you’re not alone, and your pain is valid. The world may move on quickly after these tragedies, but your healing deserves time and attention.